I'm done.

Capital D O N E.  

We run him 2-4 miles every day.

We feed him.

We play with him.

We buy him new toys to keep him interested -

but still nothing is more interesting than our socks, our gloves, our stuffed animals, our toys, our pillows, our furniture, our food.  He's a perpetual puppy stuck in a 4 year old, 55 pound body. 

Three of our 7 couch cushions ripped to shreds.  The living room furniture rearranged into an odd configuration in a weak attempt to keep him off the love seat.  We have now blocked off the living room altogether with random chairs and a huge shoe basket - the first thing friends see when they walk through our front door.  The cost to have the makeshift barrier replaced by french doors if we choose to do so?  $800.00

  

He has scratched the leather furniture while trying to bury his rawhides.  His chew toys are scattered throughout our entire living area - half eaten, soggy rawhides underneath my pillow. We have to keep our bedroom doors closed at all times or we're sure to see him sauntering through the house with a beloved toy clenched between his teeth.  We tried leaving Allie's door open the other day so she wouldn't have to retire to the arctic freeze one more night.  We found her new pillow and sham torn to bits and scattered like explosive confetti down the stairs.  He eats clothes out of the laundry room, gloves out of the coat closet and kitchen towels right off their hanger. He eats anything enclosed in a ziploc baggie and likes to cleanse his palate with children's art projects.  Handmade quilts, nativity sets, advent calendars.  He knows how to do it up right.  And when these things don't sit well he leaves them in a mess of bile for us to find at the top of the landing.

We can't leave him outside unattended because he'll run right through the expensive underground barrier my husband spent hours installing.  It doesn't take much.  A walker, a jogger, a dog, a loud truck.  He's happy to give chase.  When he's not taking on the role of escaped convict he's widening the trenches he's created with his pathological running and barking.  

Oh, and he piddles in excitement when someone outside of our family pets him.  This usually takes place in our front entryway.  Right next to the pile of chairs and soggy rawhides.

this should be a no-brainer
but everyone with kids and dog knows it's not.

I must say here that we take full responsibility.

We have no idea how to train pets.

We've taken dog training classes,

visited with a vet,

gotten citronella spray,

bought a bark collar and

purchased a top of the line training collar.

Nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  

We stink.