Front Row Lament

For some reason we now claim the front row at church.

In our Mormon "Oklahoma Land Grab" at the beginning of each Sunday morning - we seek out the spot on the first row, right side.

It's a funny thing, the seating in church.  Some people claim territory like you would expect to see a flag posted with the family crest on it.  Then there is the awkward silence when someone new moves into the ward and unknowingly sets up camp on that pew.  That's when you see people who normally don't show up early come 15 minutes before the meeting starts to reclaim their territory.  

There's also a degree of self-consciousness in being in the front row.  Sure, there's lots of space in front of you, plenty of room to lay down and get comfortable for the second speaker after the musical number.  But that also means that the entire ward is behind you.  Some people claim they can't see what goes on since it is at eye level and everyone's head is in the way.

Some things occur, however, which transcend the heights above the heads of the ward members for all to see.

Take this morning, for instance.

This little stuffed animal above, we'll call him "Nick".  He has a twin brother named "Flower".  Their owners, we'll call them "Mr. N" and "Ms. A", brought them to church this morning.  Normally this is forbidden, but sometimes things seem innocent enough at the beginning.

"Mr. N" went out of the chapel for a brief moment to get rid of his gum.  After about 3 or 4 minutes, during the meeting mind you, he returned to the row behind us with "Nick" sitting on his head, unbeknownst to us until "Ms. A" let out a burst of laughter that I am sure was heard in the Cry Room.  

One stuffed animal back into the church bag.

Act 2 came shortly thereafter when "Ms. A" hurled "Flower" skyward in a reverse one and a half somersault with three and a half twists, in the Free position.  That maneuver also has a 3.5 degree of difficulty.  Unfortunately "Flower" was unable to see her score from the bottom of the church bag.

It's a wonder parents don't loose their testimonies more often at the hands of their children.

Can I get a witness?