if ma can do it . . .

There's a turkey in my oven

and i feel extremely domestic
and a little grossed out
well, a lot grossed out

my sweetheart is the designated turkey preparer in our home because he understands that i'm just one clammy piece of poultry away from becoming a vegetarian

(a house full of carnivores wouldn't fare well with a vegetarian  meal planner)

monday i began defrosting a turkey that had been tucked away in the back recesses of our deep freeze since 1998ish

(let me pause here to tell you that we've been reading "Little House in the Big Woods" as a family.  it has changed me a little bit)

i decided today was the day of reckoning
the day i'd declare myself victor over the previously frozen fowl

step 1. preheat oven to 325
step 2. removed thawed turkey from bag
(16 1/2 pounds of cold flesh.  feeling queasy.)

step 3. remove neck from body cavity
(oh boy.  reach.  gag.  step away for a breather.)

step 4. remove giblet package from neck skin area
(really?! picture Laura and Mary playing with an inflated pig bladder while ma makes head cheese.  gain confidence just briefly enough to make it in and out)     

and then i made stuffing

from scratch

and stuffed it in the cavity that i found the neck in

i know the FDA, EPA, CIA (or someone of that sort)
said you're not supposed to do that

but i did

i eat raw cookie dough too

because frankly how bad could death by cookie dough or sage stuffing be?

i'll let you know.