"How is your dog at home?"

the vet asks as she lifts one of his ears and peers inside.

"Um, fine I guess.  Except when he's destroying couch cushions and various other items.  But he only does it when we're away.  When we're home he's wonderful."

"It sounds like he has classic symptoms of separation anxiety.  I think Prozac could be extremely helpful in his case" she offers as she probes his teeth and gums.

silence.

"So anyway doctor, he has this growth on his back that I was hoping you could take a look at."

She feels it as he shifts his weight from paw to paw skittishly on the table in front of her.  "I'm going to stick it and draw a little out so we know what we're working with."  She leaves the room and reenters moments later,  large needle in hand, which she proceeds to stick directly into the cherry tomato size lump.

"Do you know what the cost will be if we have to have it . . ." but I don't have time to finish my sentence because just then a thick stream of watery, yellow liquid is squirting in her direction.  She lets out a short scream before it's covering her face, her white lab coat and the floor in front of her.

"Well that's never happened before."

We double over in fits of laughter but I mostly just want to throw up.

After vaccinations and a year supply of heart worm medicine my K9 and I make our way to the front desk.  "That will be two hundred ten dollars and sixty two cents," smiles the newly blonde receptionist as she runs my card through the machine.

Sure.  You bet.  Money is no object when it comes to keeping our neurotic pup in tip top health.

He's such a gem.