It had been a long, hard weekend.
An angry, discontented, autism at it's worst weekend.
We were sitting around the dinner table
listening to the deafening screams when it happened.
What if.
A place I work hard to avoid.
What if.
Later that evening I had to wrap myself around his 10 year old frame
to keep him safe as he thrashed wildly about.
He's growing so big. So strong.
I struggled to hold tight until his defiant body finally went limp.
What if.
It was then that my own tears began to flow.
He pulled my head into his chest and smoothed my hair.
"I'm sorry. I'll be happy. It will be alright."
What if.
He awoke at 2:22 a.m.
I climbed into his bed
and curled up against the warmth of his back.
I love him.
I need him.
There are no what ifs.
Only what is
and what is
is a beautiful, complicated tapestry.
6 comments:
Words writen with such love that only a mother in your position knows. I have trears flowing because of your beautiful words and unconditional love. I am sorry u had such a hard weekend. That is when u r supposed to call me and have the kids come over for a late might. We'dvlove to have them.
Xo
I needed that. Thank You. What is. love it.
I feel ya! There are days I often wonder how life would be with out special needs. You do the best you can every day. Hang in there! Sending love from Georgia.
you are a beautiful person...real...raw and absolutely beautiful inside and out! Thank you for sharing...
Beautifully written as always. God only knew your family to well to place a perfect chosen child to a loving angel. Love you! Love your sweet family!
Oh boy! TEARS.ARE.FLOWING! I love you Jodi!
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